Slice network dating show
A week later, I got a call saying they had found a match for me, someone their algorithms calculated I would get along with, and I agreed to go on a date on national television at p.m. Let’s preface this by saying that no one should go on a date at p.m. I realized that about five minutes before I was scheduled to meet the producers.Panicking, I did what all millennials know how to do very well – I called my mom and cried about it.And, unbeknownst to me, the show’s website had a “Nominate a Friend” feature. After spending four days in my blanket fort with ice to my mouth, neglecting all hygiene habits, she probably thought I needed to talk about a male other than my cat, Hank. They saw my application and wanted to interview me for the show.I took it as seriously as a job interview, wore heels and red lipstick, and tried to keep by profanity to a minimum as the entire thing was filmed on camera.We ordered at such speed it was like we were nuns out of the convent for the night and had just tasted tequila for the first time.The waitress asked us if we wanted food three times before we reluctantly agreed to appetizers, and they were left behind as we opted for a liquid dinner.We were to all drive – yes, drive – the two blocks to the Earl’s in Yaletown, where we would then be sent up to the restaurant one by one, so they could film us escalating the staircase individually, in case they needed it for footage.As I climbed the stairs, I was hoping for two things: not to fall on my face and for there to be a bucket of wine for me at the top of the stairs.
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“He’s tall, but not too tall that I have to keep these on to kiss him,” I divulged.
“He’s got facial hair, but not too much, he wears white shirts, but not too white.” The asked me about my dating history (which is best told drunk), what my ideal guy is like, and what interests we would share, if any. I distinctly remember saying that I like politics, like to argue, and am at the age where winning a Scrabble game makes my ovaries pulse just a little bit.
And for the curious, all shows are available for streaming on You Tube.
I recommend the Australian versions of each of these shows — the contestants are cruder and hornier, making for a higher pedigree of entertainment.